RAHHHHHH!!!!! 300 and how it is full of BLAHHHHHH!!!

I watch a lot of movies, but I am only human. There are only so many films I can watch at any given time. Because of this, some major, popular films pass me by. One of these was Pulp Fiction which I have finally seen (BADASS!!!!). Many of my peers were really shocked when I told them I hadn't seen it. People were surprised when I told them I hadn't seen 300 either. These people that I talked to condemmed Grindhouse and said that 300 was so much cooler. I was promised armored rhinos, boils on evil priests, and slow motion fight scenes. The movie was really hyped for me. Only recently did I actually see 300, and whether it was the amount of hype or because I wasn't in a theater, the movie really failed to leave any sort of impact.

300 is the rare movie that is built from the ground up to be visuallly striking. Another example of this would be Sin City. Because of this, the movie looked very, very good. The film seemed to be designed like a moving Vermeer painting with a strong emphasis on lighting and color. Rather than the lush black and white of Sin City, 300 favors a more bronze sylization. The battlegrounds, deserts, grain fields, and night sky are all extremely beautiful and really bring life to some rather limp scenes where nothing is going on. The problem with all of this visual trickery is that it leaves barely any money for sets. I hate to say this, but I actually watched parts of Meet the Spartans. The sets in that movie seemed to be very small and as the film went along, looked identical from one scene to the next. These small sets are apparent in 300, the main film Meet the Spartans was stealing from. Aside from Sparta, one beach or desert passage looks the same to me and made the film's environments extremely bland. This dampened the glory of the visual effects slightly.

With the exception of a few great lines, and when King Leonides was being snidely humorous, the dialogue in this film was terrible. Everyone was taking everything way to seriously, and the talking sequences got in the way of the action. But I must admit "TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!!" was pretty awesome. I could never take anyone seriously because they talked so ridiculously. This added somewhat to the charm of the movie, but it was not a good kind of charm for a rugged, action movie.

Speaking of action, this was where 300 really shined. If this is any foreshadowing for the Watchmen movie, the action scenes will be superb! Zack Snyder really knows how to stage a believable, stylish battle sequence with a green screen. Everyone of these sequences had an almost ballet quality to them in their smoothness. But even these sequences had problems. Sometimes the film oversimplified a fight, needlessly. For instance, the fight against the armored rhino just consisted of one spear throw. Come on now! I want more from my giant beast battles. The only one of these that was nicely epic was the one with the giant and the ninjas with the cool masks.

All in all, I cannot recommend 300. It is not a bad movie with its cool fight scenes and great visual style, it just lacks in a few key areas like plot, charactization, and a script. I can say that if you buy the DVD, just skip to the good bits.

The Range of Sin: The Wonders and Problems with the Grindhouse

Like some teenagers, I was introduced to the whole Grindhouse scene with the movie Grindhouse. This homage to the original Grindhouse movies of yore made by Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez was an absolute blast. I had never heard of movies like this until I saw the trailers for this movie and it just looked like absolute fun.

That seemed to be the main objective of old Grindhouse films. They were cheaply made exploitation flicks that were designed to make money through sex and violence. I saw one of the original Grindhouse movies called The Big Bird Cage. The tagline was - "Women so hot with desire they melt the chains that enslave them!" I can't really remember anything that happenend in this movie. Maybe, I've been spoiled on the recent R rated movies, but none of the Grindhouse thrill ever reached me. I think the movie had something to do with enslaved girls being kept in prison by gay guards and them eventually breaking out. For some reason, this film didn't grab my attention.

Later, I saw Zombie Strippers which actually came out in April of 2008. This film to me was pure genius. It was also an homage to Grindhouse films (with it's interesting title) and featured Jenna Jameson who hasn't been doing that well recently. The main plot of this movie involves a zombie virus that gets out of hand and turns all of the local strippers into zombies (this movie is set six years into the future with Bush still president and underground, llegal strip clubs). I have never been a big fan of strippers, but I've always loved zombies, so I wanted to see a hybrid of the two. All of the zombie bits are interesting, but they are fairly typical (lots of zombies being shot with lots of guns). Even if you have seen it a billion times, a zombie being shot in the head with a shotgun never gets old. The big revelation of the movie is when Jenna Jameson (who is now a zombie with blood all over her) strips while the male crowd goes wild. This is kind of sexy, but becomes really disturbing when she starts to decompose. To give you an idea of the level of creativity that went into this movie, there is a zombie stripper duel where Jenna shoots billard balls at another zombie stripper (one of the billard balls goes through the head of an innocent bystander). This film embraces the pure fun of any previous Grindhouse film. Oh, and a life lesson I learned from this movie is that any stripper that becomes a zombie gets super powers.

Then there is Bad Girls From Mars. This is an example of a badly made and barely-thought-about Grindhouse flick. Its whole purpose was to exhibit female breasts. That was it! There were no zombies, no monsters, no plot, nothing. Just a line of girls showing their assets. It was absolute shlock from beginning to end and made me feel terrible that I had watched such a thing. The purpose of a Grindhouse-esque film is to promote fun, not boredom. And besides being just bad, it was demeaning to everyone involved. This is, without a doubt, the worst film I have ever seen and everyone with a brain should stand clear.

So I guess my point is that in watching any sort of cheap, exploitation flick, you have to be careful. Some films are so bad that they are fun and some are so bad that they are really bad. And of course, if the film is directed by two directors who love the source material, the prepare for one heck of a ride. Planet Terror is one of my favorite movies! Now lets Go, Go not Cry, Cry.

Cool Bald Guys, Jack the Ripper, and Sinister Beaches: Discovering "Dark City" is the Reason I Love Movies

I thought I had seen the greatest science fiction films ever after seeing movies like "Blade Runner" or "The Matrix". Then the randomness of Netflix allowed me to see "Dark City," one of the best films I have seen that has come out during the last 10 years. I first heard of this film when I read a complaint on Entertainment Weekly about it's choices for the best science fiction of the past 20 years. The complainer was mad that EW had left out "Dark City" from the list. I have to agree. This movie is so stylish, so weird, so interesting, so dark that it deserves to be on any Top Sci-Fi list.

Lets start with the story. A man wakes up in a tub with a crushed needle on the floor, a speak of blood on his forehead, amnesia, a dead hooker in his room with a spiral shaped knife wound (a Jack the Ripper reference), a goldfish, a swinging overhead light similiar to the one in the Psycho fruit celler, and a trio of pale, bald goons who chase him with knives. Not a bad start to one's day. The film's strength and weakness is how it makes the viewer confused. At about 25 minutes into the film, blue gunk comes out of these bald mens' head (these men are called the Strangers and there is more than three), entire blocks of this "Dark City" are put to sleep, and the protagonist suddenly has mystic powers. I had to let out my confusion with a loud "What the heck is going on?" This film had dug itself into a hole and I wondered how it was going to dig itself out again. Boy, did it deliver, with a vengence.

Rufus Sewell plays the main character, John Murdoch, and is likeable because he is just as confused as the audience is. I also found him strangely sinister because I didn't know what he was going to do next. Jennifer Connelly plays Murdochs wife, but she is mostly just eye-candy. William Hurt is in the movie as well and is gruff enough to play the no nonsence police detective. The person I found to truly steal the show was Kiefer Sutherland who plays Dr. Daniel P. Schreber, Murdoch's only consistant contact throughout the movie. I love the way he always pauses within his sentences to inhale. For some reason, he reminded me of Yoda with his distinctive vocal style. The film is filled with cool touches that make people who watch too many movies really happy. This film seems to be mostly designed with 40's noir in mind. Whether it's the clothes that people wear, or the streets that they walk on, everything has been well emulated from film history or different film genres.

Oh, and the sinister beaches mentioned in the title of this reflection - the phrase "going to the beach" might sound a little more creepy to you after you watch this movie.

You are probably either agreeing with me, not agreeing with me, scratching your head, or not giving a crud. For those not familiar with the film, I recommend that you watch the new Director's Cut DVD that was just released. If you didn't like the film to begin with, I recommend the new DVD as well. I have not seen the original theatrical release, but I heard that this new cut is supposed to be better than that. Here is a trailer from youtube to wet anyone's appetite.